June 3, 1911 - Lillian Goldstein was born.
My mother who adopted me when I was 6 months old and brought me to the United States from Nova Scotia, Canada in 1946.
Louis Goldstein was a tough father for her to deal with, he was abusive to his wife Dora, a strong, but gentle woman. He hit her at times. Usually Jewish men would not do this, if they did it was never mentioned. As mom got older she told me about this side of my grandfather. There was a lingering bitterness between my mother and grandfather. Dora passed away when I was very young.
Before I was adopted a pattern of sadness started early on for Lil, toughening her up, and making her independent and a leader, in a time where this was very hard for women.
Besides seeing her father being abusive, her younger brother Sol passed away at 16 from pneumonia. This took a hard emotional toll on her. She still had her younger brother Jack, a tall handsome man. Lil was a beautiful woman. (Strawberry blonde with freckles).
In Central High School in Newark, NJ. she formed a sorority with a group of women that would later become a huge influence in my life - god love them all and may they rest in peace. For most of the time I knew the sorority sisters, she was either President of the group, or oranized the sorority functions. She was a born leader. Lil went on after high school to attend Drake Business College, I have her diploma from her graduation, of which she was so proud. She became an Executive Secretary for Dorn and Kirschner Music, in Newark, NJ. Another big influence in my life, her love of music and dancing. (I got force fed dance lessons with my mothers before my Bar Mitzvah. It was sort of fun). I grew up exposed to a great variety of musical styles. My mother also got involved in social causes of the times, I saw pictures of her and her sorority sisters visiting with poor black families in the late 30's. She always tried to help those she felt were mistreated, or with some disability. All her life she gave to charities and worked for charities. She was a very Liberal Democrat and made sure I knew how one should give back and help those who needed help.
At 18 Lil was told that if she didn't quit smoking she could die. I don't know all the details, but she quit, but was still quite ill. She had to have a hysterectomy and of course was unable to have children. A hard blow to endure for anyone.
Lil married Harry Shack, and became a part of a family with more women, Harry was the baby of the family and the only boy. His sisters would become another major influence in my life.
Aunt Katy (my Godmother - always pinched my cheek and hugged and kissed me), Aunt Sarah - warmth and wisom, I spent a lot of time with her - always there to help, Aunt Clara (sweet to me, encouraged me), Aunt Rose (warm, always friedly, I didn't spend as much time with her.
Here's the rub. Lil and Harry could not have children and it was hard to adopt in 1945. Lil and Harry went to Nova Scotia, Canada to arrange for my adoption from the Ideal Maternity Home.
I don't know what they actually had to pay - but it ranged from $5,000 to $10,000. I had Strawberry Blonde hair and frekles, I looked just like Lil, (and I also look like my birth mother).
I had Chiken Pox and had to wait until I got better before I could come to the US. I was very lucky tat Lillian came and got me, for I was a Butterbox Baby, and easily could have been left to die if I hadn't been a cute baby that was wanted by an American. (Please see list of links below for more info on the Butterbox Babies. This had been documented in at least 4 books, and one feature film.) Please read this as it will give you an great insight into the Right to Choose/Pro-Life debate. (There is NO right or wrong, there's horror and fear on both sides of the issue. I am Pro-Choice, only because it's not my body, my life or my business to tell any woman to make that decision. Personally, if Abortion were legal at the time I was born, I might not be here. Lil and Fran, my mothers, thanks to you both for your wisdom and thought. The violence over this issue must end, most angry arguments either way are spurious, it is a very hard personal issue. Kindness, thought, and guidance from caring people is needed. I am pro-adoption and would hope women would choose this option, but I do not want the government to legislate this. This is where good religious leaders in each faith should focus their efforts, birth control does not need medication, but it is always there as an option. Guidance and thought, contemplation. There is help out there, there are Lillian's waiting to ameliorate their own pain and help young women with their fear and pain. No it isn't easy at any level.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Lillian Part 2 - 1953 Life gets Scarier for Lil
1953- October (day to be added)
2:30 AM
I awaken to Harry calling for Lil in the bathroom next to my bedroom, across the hall from their bedroom -
"Lil, Lil help... he sounds ill and I go to the bathoom door and look into the small room to see Lil trying to help Harry as he's coughing up blood. That was the last night I saw my father alive, or at all. I have forgotten almost everything about Harry prior to that night. Lil made me go to my room, and she just did what she always did, she took control of the situation. These lessons in handling what life smacks in your face helped me, especially in the Army. Most of the time Lil was in control, but...I was sent to stay with my Uncle Jack and Aunt Sylvia Gordon, and cousin Robert Gordon and Sanrda Gordon, for about two weeks while Harry was in the hospital. Harry had a bleeding Ulcer and the operation wasn't handled well. Harry passed away at the age of 44, I was 8, and Lil was 42. Today this condition is almost simple to take care of without problems. I've been told by Harry's close friends that he was a gentle, soft spoken, intelligent and creative person. He made a crystal radio in half a walnut shell. He remodelled our house and did beautiful wood work on the porch, turned a walk in pantry into a comfortable breakfast nook area with custom made benches and furniture, the linoleum floor was hand cut and designed by him. I remember the green shamrock cut and fitted into the floor ceter. He worked for Bendix during WW II. The other memory I have of him is at Chrismas 1952(?), Harry put up a Christmas tree because I wanted one, and there was a train set under the tree, and I had a stocking with my name on it. Later in her life Lillian denied that that ever happened, after all we were Jewish, and I went to Hebrew School. Well, I still have the stocking that hung on our fireplace mantle. (Sorry mom).
In the Jewish religion when a person dies, you cover the mirrors in the house, have the family over to your house, and for a week, you sit "Shivah" (that's how it would sound in Hebrew). It's a sort of extended wake, but in this case the wife sits there and the family and friends come with food, the Rabbi comes over and spends time with the family. That was the weakest I ever saw my mother (other than her unhealthy periods). My first cousins spent time with me, my cousin Lee Walsky stands out in my memory because he brought me books to read and tried to cheer me up. I love books because Lee did this for me. He was an athelete and a great teacher, his sister Martha was another great influence on me. She was about 12 or so years older than me, and she always loved me so much (and I her - my big sister in a way)- very kind and thoughtful, she helped Lil, as did my godmother Aunt Katy's daughter Lil Kurshner Rosenberg. At this point all these people knew I was adopted, I did not know. They just loved me. My mothers sorority sisters were there and hovered over me to make sure I was OK. They all knew I was adopted. My "Aunt" Sonya Litwak, loved me so much, it is hard to express how much love these women showed me at this tough time. Both Cousin Martha Walsky, and "Aunt" Sonya said they wanted to marry me when I grew up. How do you thank people for that kind of love - you pay it forward in your life! Do unto others...show the love. My mothers family was also very influential at that point, my mother helped start a cousins club with her relatives; and she helped run The Shack Family Circle with Harry's sisters and kept the family close until the mid 1960's.
Mom got a job and started work at the Jewish Community Center, six days a week many times. She was back at work after a long gap. I often went to work with her on weekends, or when I was out of school. I helped her at the office, learned to use the office equiptment. Lil also taught me to cook, clean, sew, and other skills, so I would be as self sufficient as possible. If anything happened I could face it like she did. She was not only a leader, manager, organizer, and teacher for me on so many things - she was the glue that kept the family together. She took control of Harry extended family for many years and kept us close for many years. She also kept the family in line politically, at family meetings while playng poker, she was a great card player, she would discuss politics and her ideas. She encouraged my interest in politics at a young age. She was also very tough, read Part 3 - please watch the times begin to change. You'll also meet Sally and Fluffy and 60 feet of Roses -"Mama Liked the Roses".
2:30 AM
I awaken to Harry calling for Lil in the bathroom next to my bedroom, across the hall from their bedroom -
"Lil, Lil help... he sounds ill and I go to the bathoom door and look into the small room to see Lil trying to help Harry as he's coughing up blood. That was the last night I saw my father alive, or at all. I have forgotten almost everything about Harry prior to that night. Lil made me go to my room, and she just did what she always did, she took control of the situation. These lessons in handling what life smacks in your face helped me, especially in the Army. Most of the time Lil was in control, but...I was sent to stay with my Uncle Jack and Aunt Sylvia Gordon, and cousin Robert Gordon and Sanrda Gordon, for about two weeks while Harry was in the hospital. Harry had a bleeding Ulcer and the operation wasn't handled well. Harry passed away at the age of 44, I was 8, and Lil was 42. Today this condition is almost simple to take care of without problems. I've been told by Harry's close friends that he was a gentle, soft spoken, intelligent and creative person. He made a crystal radio in half a walnut shell. He remodelled our house and did beautiful wood work on the porch, turned a walk in pantry into a comfortable breakfast nook area with custom made benches and furniture, the linoleum floor was hand cut and designed by him. I remember the green shamrock cut and fitted into the floor ceter. He worked for Bendix during WW II. The other memory I have of him is at Chrismas 1952(?), Harry put up a Christmas tree because I wanted one, and there was a train set under the tree, and I had a stocking with my name on it. Later in her life Lillian denied that that ever happened, after all we were Jewish, and I went to Hebrew School. Well, I still have the stocking that hung on our fireplace mantle. (Sorry mom).
In the Jewish religion when a person dies, you cover the mirrors in the house, have the family over to your house, and for a week, you sit "Shivah" (that's how it would sound in Hebrew). It's a sort of extended wake, but in this case the wife sits there and the family and friends come with food, the Rabbi comes over and spends time with the family. That was the weakest I ever saw my mother (other than her unhealthy periods). My first cousins spent time with me, my cousin Lee Walsky stands out in my memory because he brought me books to read and tried to cheer me up. I love books because Lee did this for me. He was an athelete and a great teacher, his sister Martha was another great influence on me. She was about 12 or so years older than me, and she always loved me so much (and I her - my big sister in a way)- very kind and thoughtful, she helped Lil, as did my godmother Aunt Katy's daughter Lil Kurshner Rosenberg. At this point all these people knew I was adopted, I did not know. They just loved me. My mothers sorority sisters were there and hovered over me to make sure I was OK. They all knew I was adopted. My "Aunt" Sonya Litwak, loved me so much, it is hard to express how much love these women showed me at this tough time. Both Cousin Martha Walsky, and "Aunt" Sonya said they wanted to marry me when I grew up. How do you thank people for that kind of love - you pay it forward in your life! Do unto others...show the love. My mothers family was also very influential at that point, my mother helped start a cousins club with her relatives; and she helped run The Shack Family Circle with Harry's sisters and kept the family close until the mid 1960's.
Mom got a job and started work at the Jewish Community Center, six days a week many times. She was back at work after a long gap. I often went to work with her on weekends, or when I was out of school. I helped her at the office, learned to use the office equiptment. Lil also taught me to cook, clean, sew, and other skills, so I would be as self sufficient as possible. If anything happened I could face it like she did. She was not only a leader, manager, organizer, and teacher for me on so many things - she was the glue that kept the family together. She took control of Harry extended family for many years and kept us close for many years. She also kept the family in line politically, at family meetings while playng poker, she was a great card player, she would discuss politics and her ideas. She encouraged my interest in politics at a young age. She was also very tough, read Part 3 - please watch the times begin to change. You'll also meet Sally and Fluffy and 60 feet of Roses -"Mama Liked the Roses".
Lillian Part 3 -Roses, Puppy Dogs, and Fights.
1954-1959 Growing up fast.
Lillian adjusted to our new life and as always managed. At first if mom had to work long hours, I'd be shuffled out to a neighbors house for dinner, or at one of my friends houses to wait for her.
Hair salon
Silver's Bakery
The Smoke House
Bus to Newark
Kreske's
Woolworths
Sears records department i if you want records earn them
First records - Elvis, Old Shep, Rip it Up
Elvis - Jewish Bar Mitzvah and gospel music. Sing Boy Sing
Ed lHaupt loans me his guitar
Serious thought about being a Rabbi
Religion goes, Lil's reaction
Lillian adjusted to our new life and as always managed. At first if mom had to work long hours, I'd be shuffled out to a neighbors house for dinner, or at one of my friends houses to wait for her.
Hair salon
Silver's Bakery
The Smoke House
Bus to Newark
Kreske's
Woolworths
Sears records department i if you want records earn them
First records - Elvis, Old Shep, Rip it Up
Elvis - Jewish Bar Mitzvah and gospel music. Sing Boy Sing
Ed lHaupt loans me his guitar
Serious thought about being a Rabbi
Religion goes, Lil's reaction
Asbury Park, NJ - Part Time and Politics
A city to save. One of the places I lived from 1971-77. At the Empress Motel we had a state NJ Young Democrats Convention. The McGovern wing of the party fought the regular conservative Democrats. Great debates, great fun, great friends. I met my future wife Joan Gamberg, David Don (like a brother to Joan and I) ,and several close friends during this pivotal time. Taught part time as a substitute teacher in 1972 at Asbury Park High School. Too close to my return from Viet Nam to be patient enough to teach. Turned down offer at CBS TV with Walter Cronkite, low pay, 3 year Internship (should I have - Don't Look Back). We lived near the Inkwell, listen to "Subterranean Homesick Blues", Bob Dylan. Thanks Mr.Z. Oh and a hi to Madame marie, the psychic near my apartment, down the block on the boardwalk, (look into Bruce S.) Robert Gordon, Dave Edmunds, (Gary thanks for getting us on the bus to meet Dave).
Lived on First avenue 1 1/2 blocks from the beach. 10th Ave (Bruce) was not very far. Bruce put the band together, and played around the corner from my apartment. Lots of clubs, lots of bands, loved the music and the circle. Argued with the mayor about demolishing an Art deco theatre, The Mayfair, we lost that fight. Music, music, music was created.
Lived on First avenue 1 1/2 blocks from the beach. 10th Ave (Bruce) was not very far. Bruce put the band together, and played around the corner from my apartment. Lots of clubs, lots of bands, loved the music and the circle. Argued with the mayor about demolishing an Art deco theatre, The Mayfair, we lost that fight. Music, music, music was created.
Maukie - the virtual cat
No comments:
Post a Comment